Life (Death)
by Achilles1011
Summary: Based upon the trailer for 2x03, contains spoilers and speculation. Delphine ponders Cosima's mortality as she shows her the video diaries of Jennifer Fitzsimmons.


**A/N: Cross posed from Tumblr based on the prompt: The new promo when Delphine has to tell Cosima that Jennifer died and or that they'll do the autopsy now. But with the focus on Delphines thoughts about it, Cosimas mortality, possible future, etc?**

**Thank-you for taking the time read this, it is chapter 1/2. **

* * *

I stare at the videos in front of I, the familiar face of the woman that I love staring back at me.

Except it's _not_ her face. It is the face of another, of a genetic identical who've I've only ever seen through these videos.

I had snuck in here in order to show her _what_ can happen to the clones who get these conditions. The other one, the German, she died before Cosima could see the horrors that the sickness could ravage on her body, of the suffering that she would have to endure if she did not agree to let I help her, to let DYAD help her.

Although I cannot help but remember one of the few times that I had seen this other woman, Jennifer Fitzsimmons.

Of her final days, of the chemotherapy agents they had resorted to giving her. The illness, the balding, the weakness.

The polyps in her lungs having turned into tumors, and that had been something they had at least been able to deal with in the end. Cancer, I knew that they knew how to treat that at the very least.

But really the cancer had been one symptom in a constellation of many others that included things I could not name and were far beyond my understanding.

All I can know is that as I watch the video of this lively young woman in front of me, the one who I cannot help but compare to Cosima, I can feel my heart clench at the thought of having to watch Cosima waste away, of becoming just as sick as the Ing woman in front of I.

I can see it in her eyes as I watch this first video, of her energy, her hope, her happiness. And when I glance over at the woman sitting in the chair, her back to I, I cannot help but wonder what is going through her mind at this moment.

Does she realize that this sister is already dead? That she has succumb to her illness?

Or perhaps…

Non, pensé pas a sa.

I have to have faith that they did not just…

I _have_ to have faith in that.

I understand the concept of survival of the fittest, of allowing those with the superior strength to live, and for the weaker ones to die off.

I understand that point of view because until I met this woman sitting in that chair in front of I, I had shared those ideals.

Eugenicist.

That is what he called I, and perhaps until this point he was correct. I had studied host-parasite relationships after all, marveled at the strength of the parasite, at how perfect it's biological design was. And perhaps that view point had gone a little to far in the way that I had viewed society, how I had viewed the world.

But the moment that "I'm sick Delphine" had left her mouth everything had suddenly turned upside down in Ir world.

I could not even begin to reconcile the idea of _Cosima_ and the connotations of the word _sick_. How was it possible that this cheeky, vivacious, spirited, _full of life_, Ing woman could be ill? This woman with a brilliant and beautiful mind could be one of the ones cursed with the illness that afflicted the clones?

Of all of them why had it been her?

Why did it have to be the woman that I had fallen in love with?

And suddenly the idea that the strong should survive and the weak should die came into conflict with the information being presented to I. That the person I had fallen in love with was _weak_ and _sick _when she should be _strong_ and _healthy_.

But those words did not describe Cosima, not anymore, not in the biological sense. But in every other way? It described her perfectly, and I had only known her for a short amount of time. But I wanted more, I wanted so much more time with this cheeky girl and all the ideas in her mind. I wanted to see her, to see what she could do to help the world, to find out more about her, what she likes and what she dislikes.

I want to see where our relationship can go, if we can ever find a way to overcome all the obstacles that have been set in our path. Whether this is as girlfriends, friends, or colleagues I do not want to lose this woman.

But it is not her who needs to change. It is I who need to change, to _evolve_ because I never thought I would fall in love with a woman, but here I am in love with a woman, and not afraid to tell the world that I love her.

But at the same time I cannot lose her and if this means going behind her back in order to do so I will because whatever it takes Cosima's safety is now my first priority. I wish I could say that this included her emotional and mental safety as well… mais je ne suis pas capable de dit sa.

Elle es la chose télément importanté dans ma vi.

And if I lost her I would not survive, not really.

This all sounds completely… foo… but I have fallen had and fast for this woman. Unfortunately she is falling hard and fast towards death, and she is not even aware of it. Or perhaps she is and she is being stubborn about it, that does sound like something that Cosima would do, something that she would try and ignore.

So these videos are perhaps the only recourse I have now, to try and show her how important it is that she co-operates with us

"Delphine?" Her voice breaks through my train of thoughts as she glances up from where the video has paused, ending her first video-diary. The one where she still looks healthy and alive.

"Is she alright?" I can feel the shock run through me as she asks me that question, the one that I had been dreading since I pressed play on this first diary scarcely a minute ago. I can feel my mouth open and close again and again as I try and find a way to tell Cosima that she is dead.

That her corpse is being stored in the basement near our lab because nobody has had a chance to do the autopsy yet.

Well that is not exactly correct either because _I am_ the one scheduled to do it, well _we_ but I do not want to force Cosima to help in the dissection of one of her sisters.

"She's dead isn't she." Her tone is cold, straightforward, it was a simple statement of fact. I couldn't help but shudder a little at the tone that she used, I had only heard it once before, when she found out who I really was.

"Well?"

"Oui, elle est morteé" I whisper. The words slipping out of my mouth in French before I can stop them. I can see the confusion in her eyes for a few seconds before they widen.

"Morteé." Her voice repeats the French word in a heavy accent. I can see the gears in her mind turning as she tries to decipher the meaning of the foreign word. But before I can open my mouth to repeat myself in English, I see her eyes widen once again, a look of horror in them.

"Mort. Mortuary. Dead." I nod as I close my eyes. I can feel her gaze, hot and burning, sweep over my body.

"Oui. She is dead." I mumble as I allow my eyes to open again. I can see a look of sadness in her eyes, as well as one of fury.

"Dr. Leekie says I should keep a video diary." She repeats back to me, quoting Jennifer. "She was here wasn't she."

I can only nod again.

"Why did you show me this Delphine? Is it to scare me into trying to co-operate with you? To work with DYAD?"

I sigh as I try and gather myself and find the words to explain my actions to her. I can see the tranquil fury rising in her eyes once again, that same look as the day that she found out about me, and what I had done to her, to her sisters.

"No Cosima. I…" How do I begin to explain my reason for trying to show her these videos? To tell her that I love her and that I'm scared for her, and for her mortality? That I don't want her to die and leave me alone?

If I said either of those things to her all I would be is selfish, more so then I already have been, and I desperately need her to believe that I'm on her side, that everything I do, I do it for her now. I do it to make sure that she lives and so that she won't have to go through what Jennifer did in her final days.

I take another breath as I begin to try and explain myself. "I did it because I wanted you to know what you were up against. Because you 'ave a right to know what is going to happen to you."

"So it gets worse does it?" She stands up and begins to talk, her hands waving around as she does. "I already know about the polyps on the lungs and the coughing up blood because well… I'm sure you saw that x-ray when you went through my stuff didn't you?"

I shrink slightly at the mention of the time I snooped through her things after our first time. The way that I had deceived her into letting me into her bed and then tricked her into going out and getting me ice-cream afterwards. "Je suis desolée."

I can see her sigh before waving her hands, a grimace on her face. "So does it get worse?"

"Much. You know that the German… Katja?" I see her nod. "Was ill with the same disorder that you have, but it was not as advanced as Jennifer's was towards the end."

"You knew her?"

"Non. I've seen her video diaries a few times, but I never met her in person. I worked on her samples, but I was sent to you before she became as ill as she was in her final videos." I murmur as I walk over to the computer and click on the file that contains one of her final entries.

I look up from the computer in time to see Cosima grimace as she looks at the video image in front of her.

"Where is she?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean where is her body. I want to…"

"See her?"

"Yeah."

I fumble slightly as I walk over towards her, but I can see her backing away from me slightly. Sighing I stop in my tracks. I was so tempted to reach out and touch her, pull her into me because despite how she is acting I can still see the turmoil in her eyes.

I cannot even imagine what it is like to find out that another one of her clones was dead from the disease that now infected her lungs. Or perhaps… I do not even know what to call the condition that she has.

Sighing I take a few steps closer to her, automatically reaching out to try and touch her, but I stop myself before I do. Cosima does not seem to appreciate contact when she is not the one to initiate it and for now it is better that I do not push her.

"We… actually we're scheduled to preform the autopsy on Jennifer." I mumble. I can see her waiver for a moment before her face assumes a blank expression and she walks over to me, her head coming to rest against my collarbone, her hands hanging limply at her side.

"Rachel's the one who did that isn't she?" I hear her mumble against the fabric of my shirt. I nod as I sigh, remembering what Aldous… Dr. Leekie had told us earlier about Rachel.

"Why would you suspect that?"

"Because the last time I checked I was studying Evo-devo and you are an immunologist, neither of us is a pathologist."

Sighing gently into her ear, the only thing I do is wrap an arm around her waist and hold her close.

I don't care if Aldous storms into his office in a minute, or if anyone else sees us. Right now Cosima needs me to be someone she can lean on.

And right now I can provide that comfort.


End file.
